Let's........make this Christmas...mean something....this year.

    Christmas in the hospital.  I know , cry me a river.  I spent most of last night and Christmas barfing.  Another damn bowel obstruction.  Let's just say after not having food for awhile I went crazy.  On th 23rd I ate a ton of food.

    Bonedaddy stopped by around 2pm and gave me some wonderful gifts from him and Rebecca.  Walrus t-shirt from the Quontset hut and some more tubes to put into my face.  They're so thoughtful.  Then Sarah stopped by at 6pm with some bad chow mein for herself and we snuggled and watched Bad Santa...which was great.

So I'm not complaining.

Love to all

News.

Good news and bad news.

I'm going home today on Christmas Eve...not that I have the Swiss Family Robinson to go home to but I have Sarah and Suzy and that's a million times better.

Annnnnd the bad news is, is that I can't qualify for a 'live donor' because the tips is too close to my heart and would cause a high risk in the transplant procedure.  The tips runs from the portal vein at the bottom of the liver , through it (I think) and close to the vena cava which is a major vein at the bottom of the heart.

So this means , (most likely) that I need to get super sick before I can get a liver.  Like , on death's door.  Not to mention I need to wait for that to happen which is a huge financial burden.

But until that happens it's good things like batman and Frank Miller:

Clear Liquid feast!

They upgraded me from nothing to a clear liquid diet!!  What is a clear liquid diet you might ask.  It consists of this 'smorning of black tea with two sugar packets, raspberry sorbet cup (got to eat that first cause it'll melt) , the entree : chicken stock with sodium substitute (though I asked for beef), lime green jelly cup , apple juice cup.  Man it was like thanksgiving after not having food for 2 1/2 days.  I felt like Saint Austine surviving on garlic to make it through the winter.  It also reminded who me of these two ex-convicts who rehabilitate prisoners being release into the world.  In this show that they're in they're sitting in a car awaiting the prisoner to be released so they can collected him and the two guys start reminiscing about all the things they used to do to prison food to make it tolerable...including squandering away goods for later.  I think the show was on Aljazeer network.

  Other than that it's a greenhouse Boston Christmas and I'm chillin' in Farr 10 room 1024 with some cabbage rolls in the Dutch oven.

Best

NO FOOD or DRINK!

    Food and drink are, in the hospital a big morale booster.  When they withhold it from you it is a major bummer.

   So current sitrep:  My roommate is hacking up phlegm non-stop and he's a rude bastard at time to the staff which irritates me.

I still have the stomach draining tube in my left nostril.  They may pull it out in a couple of hours if nothing is draining.  The nurse Laura, as per instruction last night pulled out my catheter because it wasn't draining properly and then she fuhts with it.  So they're going to put one back in soon...because apparently I'm close to having 300ml of fluid in my bladder that needs to come out.

Other than that just playing around with the new iPad.  Got a great drawing program: 

Bowel obstruction...happy holidays!

So here I am again at Beth Israel ER room awaiting a bed to open up in Farr 10.  It's been quite lively here today between the woman from somewhere screaming something unintelligible to the man screaming at the top of his lungs 'I WILL NOT GET A FLU SHOT' over and over again.  The man currently in the curtained off room next to me is begging for pain killers because his hip is attawack.  

    I have a 3/8" tube up my left nostril sucking the contents of my stomach into a plastic 'carboy'.  Apparently I developed a bowel obstruction at some point last week and this has been the reason behind the week long barf sesh.  And here I was thinking I was eating too much Cocoa Puffs...as if.  (Man I could really go for a bowl right now....or maybe just a glass of whole milk that's been stepped in puffs...yum). I'll have to get Sarah to smuggle some in for me.

Man I look so good!  

The tape is there to keep it from sliding out of my nose.  The other tube is my feed tube which feels infinitely better than this monstrosity.

Currently reading: The life changing magic of tidying up, Marie Kondo and Undermajordomo Minor, Patrick Dewitt...Also rereading Lolita for the third time.  Marvel comics:  Knight of the Old Republic collection.

Be well people and realize that you're well,

Love Esch

Losing weight!!! And easy money.

I'm losing weight because there is something terribly wrong with my feed tube.  5lbs a day...can you image?  To top it all off I'm shedding skin again cause I've shrunk.

   Yeah so I put the feed bag on in the morning and by mid-day there is something horrible going on in my stomach.  I stop the feed tube and boot it all up; which doesn't make since because it should be bypassing my stomach and going straight to the large intestinoins.  My first thought is that my schincter has betrayed me!!

    The doc's and nurses are slow to get back to me on this so I'm waiting.  Mean while it's back to eating food again.  Damn!  I was really get use to not masticating or feeling full or hungry.  Being on that feed bag was like the feeling I get after a California roll and a tuna roll (tekka maki!).  It was one major desire gone from my life....hunger and yet I gain 20lbs in a week.

Want to say that I joined a gym about a week ago but I was told by my nurse that I joined a club.  Zowie!  This place is the best!  I mostly joined (for 35 a month) for the steam room/sauna combo but it has plenty of cardiac machine and weight machines.  8 showers with body soap/shamp/condishy.  I tell you northern NH want to be small business owners....open up a membership sauna/ steam room / showers facility .  Screw the exercise cause you'll be getting that just living up there.  Want NHshins need is a place to let there muscles melt and a hot foggy room where you're invited to put eucalyptus oil on the steam nozzle.  Easy money...

Thankful

To be home again with my partner

To be alive

To have people in my life that care so much

For my new friend who was at deaths door and now has a liver

For my pops

For Suzy

To be gaining weight

To the Buddha the Darma and to the holy community 

My family

Farr 10 battalion.

Dr Bruce Banner and the dyed CT scan.

"Contrast given through an IV may cause a slight burning feeling, a metallic taste in the mouth, and a warm flushing of the body. These sensations are normal and usually go away within a few seconds."https://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003330.htm

Ha Ha....yeah right.

Okay so it's 12am in the Beth Israel Rosenberg building on the 25th.  Cats; technicians and Doctors are spent and they keep getting orders for this test...that test.  Richard takes me down to the radiology.  He's has the same birthday but he's a year older and he rubs it in my face cause he looks good for 41...soon 42.  "  Island fruits man"  he says  I made a comment about a large dude down the hallway walking they way large fat man walk.  "  That's M.  , he keeps telling me he's going to lose weight;  but he just gains more weight.  He eat everything he sees!"  Laughing we roll up to the CT scan line up...few people in front of me.  Some kooks.  Two women behind me discuss Property size as compared to location to the city.  Older woman got a new whirlpool with her husband recently.

   Now I got a brand new, right off the lot IV for this procedure by a woman I consider to be a master of her craft.  So it should be good to go...i.e. no pain.

   My turn,  nobody briefs me.  I lay down on a sliding bed similar to an MRI scan.  They techs hook in the IV and start Juicing me with Saline...really pain full if it's fast.  "Fuckin' ow!"

' That's how fast the contrast dye is going to be sir'  still juicing me
" yeah just a little warning please"
'okay'  said as if I'm being belligerent.

So they roll me into the machine and say the first shots are with out dye.  You have to hold your breath while they take the images.
  
Next  ' we're going to flush with saline sir then we'll use contrast.   You'll feel a burning sensation.'

Burning?! 

Then they start juicing me...painful...slowly something very toxic is in my system.  This burning starts in the rectum and quickly enrages my body with a hot lave sensation.

{machine voice}  'HOLD YOUR BREATHE............................BREATHE'

This happens for five minutes....and let me tell you it is not easy to hold your breath when you're going beserker.

Tubes part two

Hanging with the urologist went well- though the strapping young lad made comment on my stretched out bladder walls.  Psst!

I checked in at Farr 10 at 6pm on the 18th to get a feeding tube put in me.  My body weight was down to 98 lbs at one point last two weeks ago.  Scary when you're taking a shower.  This tube will pump 2K calories into me everyday...and help me get back on track for a liver transplant.  They tell me that will happen in the morning.  Fine.  At Beth Israel, blood is taken around 5am so the Docs can assess any problems , hopefully before they begin.

  The Doctors come in the next morning , 19th and tell me that it looks like there is some bleeding in the lower intestine...due to blood not being able to properly flow through the liver there is a pressure created.  I believe it was decided that they were going to investigate with a camara and if it didn't look like a big deal then they would put in the tube after since I'd be knocked out.  I wake up and there is a tube in my nose...guess it wasn't a big deal.  They start me at 20ml an hour (I think that's the rate) of nutrint goodness.   An hour later I start getting crazy heartburn which is never a good sign.  But I'm hoping that it's just gas from force feeding.  I sit up and try to burp and puke up 3/4 cup of bloody vomit.  Wowie!  So the doctor's are thinking that bleed is more signifgent they they thought...so how to they go about about dealing with this.  Two hours go by and the think tank's wheels are spinning....and I'm getting that crazy heartburn feeling.  Widline, my PCT that day ...can't take the state of my bed and want's to clean it...change the sheets ..et cetera.   So I sit down in a chair with a basin in case this turns out to be vomit again.  Sure enough a quart of bloody vomit comes out into the basin.  It's kind of surreal sitting with a basin of blood surrounded by medical professionals.  At the same time I felt like the dog who peed on the rug.

    It's decided that I need a TIPS A.S.A.P. :
"A TIPS procedure involves creating a pathway through the liver that connects the portal vein (the vein that carries blood from the digestive organs to the liver) to a hepatic vein (one of three veins that carry blood from the liver to the heart)."

I woke up the 21st in I.C.U. recovery.  Second time I almost died in this building.

Tubes

Today is the day I get tubes in me.  Yay!  First,9am, had to get my kidney checked so you can imagine where that tube went.  Owie!  Everything was fine there and what an amazing journey with the camera.

Now I'm waiting for my bed at Farr 10 so I can get a feed tube put in me.  And man man do I need it!  Not looking forward to a tube going up my nose and into my stomach but what are you gonna do?  

Hopefully I've been put on the donor as I think my case was up for review yesterday.  Though I have my fingers crossed that my liver is healing itself and I won't need one.  That would be soooo much better.

Off topic couch potato recommendations:

Fallout 4. Amazing game and it takes place in Boston!

Netflix/ Ken Burns "Cancer : the Emperor of maladies.

Thinner

     The I haven't weighed 98 pounds since I was in junior high.  This is getting scary.  I'm suppose not be on a high protein /high fatdiet and I'm having troubles with it.  First of all I've never liked eating that kind of food.  So to be told,  "hey bud your should drink heavy cream ". Is a little hard. Not to mention this stupid medication I'm taking so I don't go crazy makes my gut fill up with gas that just hangs out like my abdomen is the trendiest bar in town.  Then there's the sodium. This picture: 

Is about 2 1/3 liters of trapped fluid that collects around my stomach and bladder if I eat too much salt.  (Which is 2grams) and I eat well below that.  I posted this on Instagram with a hashy labeled ##selfbrew, and got a lot of homebrewers liking my photo.  Gave my roommate and a cheap laugh😂.  

Some of you might know how much food sucks without it.  I told the nurse,  I guess I'm not eating meat anytime soon.  " I think you're being a little dramatic." She said.

Am I ? She suggested Mrs Dash whom I assume was divorced.  That got me miffed but I held my tongue and sighed. The average joe eats 6-8grams a day!).  So these bloating issues make it hard to eat cause then I feel crampy and ill.  I need a pill that gives me 500cals and 20g of protein...cause I need to gain a a brick of pig iron (25lbs) to be heathy.  25lbs!!!

Surprise , it’s hepatic encephalopathy!

My doctor’s are amazing; however when it came to hepatic encephalopathy their explanations fell through the cracks.
    “Hepatic encephalopathy is the loss of brain function that occurs when the liver is unable to remove toxins from the blood. “-U.S. National Library of Medicine 
Yes, my girlfriend and I got burnt hard by this; which goes to show you need to aspire to know all the facts.  At the time I was trusting and sat on my hands when it came to information gathering.  Also having someone close at all times is very important when it comes to this illness.
Let me set the scene:  It’s beach day and I was really looking forward to it.  My toxin of choice….Ammonia.  My special lady friend and I set out early to maximize the amount of radiation we can drown ourselves in on a Sunday.  I started acting irrational which I vaguely remember and my girlfriend wants to take me into the hospital; which further infuriates me.  At this point I’ve blackout,  yet go on function on remote.  I woke up -rather regained sanity on Tuesday with my hands tied to a hospital bed, a catheter, and some snake like device up inside me that deposing of waste.   Eh?  Panic.
   Apparently I turned into a raving lunatic after I blacked out.  My girlfriend called an ambulance because I’m sitting in the middle of the street in my neighborhood, making a huge scene.  As soon as I’m in the ambulance they try to put tubes in my nose and I rip them out.  This continues in the I.C.U. until they finally tie my hands to the bed.  At this point my girlfriend tells me I was speaking mostly in fragmented words and code.  Yeah code.  Turns out my liver deposes of ammonia and my brain became flooded with it.  Might have been nice to mention that Doc. 
Ironically a few months before I was complaining about an acquaintance I had at my local rock gym; who was a sweet guy but always smelled liked cat piss.  I looked it up finally and it turns out that some people who have too much protein in their diet sweat out ammonia….hence cat piss.

If you've had a blood transfusion before the year 1992, GET TESTED.

First and foremost for the beginning of this blog I want to reach out to all the people out there who are suffering from this horrible disease that can cause a myriad of health problems.  Hepatitis C.  Some get it from sharing needles but there is a vast number of victims that got from blood transfusions that where not screened.

 "Before 1992, people could get hepatitis C through blood transfusions and organ transplants. Since 1992, all donated blood and organs are screened for hepatitis C, so it is now rare to get the virus this way." - WebMD (http://www.webmd.com/hepatitis/hepc-guide/hepatitis-c-cause)

    Though there is no empirical evidence-knowing the nature of Hep C , can lie dormant in someone for years.  I received more than a few transfusions when I was two - three back in 1977.  Then around the age of 38 , mixed with the average of two beers a night after work....severely damaged my liver before I even know I had this disease.  So if you've had a blood transfusion before the year 1992, GET TESTED.

So far these are some of the problems that have arisen from this disease; before and after being cured of it.
-anemia
-thrush
-vomiting blood
-kidney infection
-cirrhosis
-rash
-bloated stomach
-severe loss of weight
-weakness
-chills
-diarrhea