Waiting for Doctor

    So, sorta have been incommunicado since I was released the first time.  However to sum up what has happened since then:  2days home start vomiting over a bowl of cereal I had.  ER...sends me home after testing tube feed (for an hour!). Home over night /vomit /back to ER...ER admits me....stay 10 days / back on tube feeding; everything is Hunky Dory as long as I don't eat. Released/home two days/vomit cause I need to hydrate and I try drinking water.  Back in the Saddle.

       Yeaaaaaaaah, it's been an annoying few weeks.  All the while I'm craving foods like a big bowl of Spicy MIco Ramen from Sapporo in Porter.  Yum yum yum.  And foods I haven't even eaten yet that I want to make, like these Polish steamed cabbage dumplings.  I walked into whole foods last night with Sarah so she could get some grub and I realized it's citrus season!  Damn my illness.  I hope I'm paying off some serious karmic debt-that pumpkin I threw through somebodies parked car window when I was 9th grade.  BE WARY OF YOUR TEENAGE SHANNIGANS.  

    My new roommate for the most part is quiet but he has hardcore demensha (sp?)  , and he'll talk calling for no one in some Slavic language .  When I enter the room he looks at me wide eyed and calls out.  I want to reply but I escape to my bed feeling creepy.  One of the nurses came in and he started to speak and she was like ," yeah yeah".  Clearly white noise to her, however it did take the burden of creepiness off my chest.

   Came back in because a,) vomiting , b) malnourished .  Losing a little weight (especially in the winter) is cool; but brother when you're gather your bones together to take a bath.  When you look at your leg and think..'hm?  I never thought the bone was shaped that way'.  When your hands look like Grammies hands.

My Plan of Attack                                                          There Speculated plan.  

Stop tube feeds all together go back to food. Yum.           Hellbent on tube feeds , get me back on.

High fat and carbo diet. (Heavy cream on cereal...just.      Tubefeed mixed with eating (EEEE (family 

Kidding).                                                                             Feud noise))

Anyway I'll try to keep yern in the 411.

Be good to each other,

Chris

Thankful

To be home again with my partner

To be alive

To have people in my life that care so much

For my new friend who was at deaths door and now has a liver

For my pops

For Suzy

To be gaining weight

To the Buddha the Darma and to the holy community 

My family

Farr 10 battalion.

Thinner

     The I haven't weighed 98 pounds since I was in junior high.  This is getting scary.  I'm suppose not be on a high protein /high fatdiet and I'm having troubles with it.  First of all I've never liked eating that kind of food.  So to be told,  "hey bud your should drink heavy cream ". Is a little hard. Not to mention this stupid medication I'm taking so I don't go crazy makes my gut fill up with gas that just hangs out like my abdomen is the trendiest bar in town.  Then there's the sodium. This picture: 

Is about 2 1/3 liters of trapped fluid that collects around my stomach and bladder if I eat too much salt.  (Which is 2grams) and I eat well below that.  I posted this on Instagram with a hashy labeled ##selfbrew, and got a lot of homebrewers liking my photo.  Gave my roommate and a cheap laugh😂.  

Some of you might know how much food sucks without it.  I told the nurse,  I guess I'm not eating meat anytime soon.  " I think you're being a little dramatic." She said.

Am I ? She suggested Mrs Dash whom I assume was divorced.  That got me miffed but I held my tongue and sighed. The average joe eats 6-8grams a day!).  So these bloating issues make it hard to eat cause then I feel crampy and ill.  I need a pill that gives me 500cals and 20g of protein...cause I need to gain a a brick of pig iron (25lbs) to be heathy.  25lbs!!!