When when when.

I don't know if there is a light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to this current hospital stint.  And what's unnerving is, so far the doctors don't know either.  I feel like I'm in the opening of Beckett's Molloy:

“I am in my mother’s room. It’s I who live there now. I don’t know how I got there. Perhaps in an ambulance, certainly a vehicle of some kind. I was helped. I’d never have got there alone. There’s this man who comes every week. Perhaps I got here thanks to him. He says not. He gives me money and takes away the pages. So many pages, so much money. Yes, I work now, a little like I used to, except that I don’t know how to work any more. That doesn’t matter apparently. What I’d like now is to speak of the things that are left, say my goodbyes, finish dying. They don’t want that. Yes, there is more than one, apparently. But it’s always the same one that comes. You’ll do that later, he says. Good. The truth is I haven’t much will left. When he comes for the fresh pages he brings back the previous week’s. They are marked with signs I don’t understand. Anyway I don’t read them. When I’ve done nothing he gives me nothing, he scolds me. Yet I don’t work for money. For what then? I don’t know. The truth is I[…]”

Excerpt From: Beckett, Samuel. “Three Novels.” Grove Press, 1947. iBooks. 

I went down to radiology yesterday for a contrast dye MRI.  They didn't tell me that I should be ready to drink 4 cups of a dye enhancer.  I drank half of one bottle and I thought if I drink anymore I'm going to boot.  Sorry MRI ladies.  They were cool with it though.

I had a break down a couple of days ago in front of resident Doctor Javier.  He was like 'how do you feel?' And I stupidly off the cuff said "I feel like blowing my brains out".  Let me tell you don't ever say some like that in a hospital.  I visited by the three psychiatrist of Christmas past , present , and future.  I did get my name on a Buddhist monks list for a visit though...so that's cool.  

   I'm currently sharing my room with Mr Weh, 1st gen Chinese American.  He's cool and I never thought I'd meet someone that get's chillier that me I'm roastin' in this room.